Tag: #wellbeing

English articles

Celebrating a different love

experiencetoday

The new year gives me time to catch up on some old memories, including the “Queer as Folk” TV series. Original a TV series from the UK, it caught enough attention that the Americans have adopted the series and developed their version.

Aidan Gillen posed as Stuart is almost a Master of a Universe who has slept with half of the men in the community. His friend Vince has a crush on Stuart but never tells and does not have luck in the dating scene. Vince is simply too cute for us not to like him. He has been waiting until one day Stuart meets the 15-year-old “sunshine” boy Nathan who explores the gay scene and finds himself excited with everything he sees. 

There were no TV series with that much nudity at the time. In the TV series, gay men seem to live in a proud community and can be successful like Stuart. A proud man who lives his life like no others. 

Nathan is inexperienced but full of curiosity. He runs away from home but finds his confidence in this new world. 

The gay scene in Hong Kong might not be comparable to that of the TV show twenty years ago but we could find drag queens in specific bars or a few bars who attracted specific crowds who wanted to pursue different lifestyles. Should we call this a concept of freedom?

After all, that’s the era gender has become blurred. Singers and bands like Duran Duran, Thompson Twins, and Culture Club dressed so glamourously and in style that I can’t call them men or women at all. There were no “non-binary” labels at the time. I’m excited that beauty and makeup transcend the limitations of genders. I consider pursuing something you believe is cool.  I was so naïve that I found myself immersed in the thought that I might turn myself to be a Jew one day. 

So, unfortunately only the American version of the “Queer as Folk” is available. I can’t relate “Brian” is a name to represent sexy and powerful guys like Stuart. Michael is not as innocent as Vince.  There are enough “meats” to draw the gay audience and it’s surely daring to bring forward a vivid gay scene in the TV series. After all, Brian is not invincible. He manipulates his friend Michael when Evan leaves him. His encounters with Evan are somehow naïve that I have to stop watching the programme. 

Only if I can watch the British version I can give the TV series justice to comment any further. After all, the image of Stuart cannot be matched by Brian, a young executive who looks like a boy. Stuart is carefree, wild, and arrogant and has no fears. He cares less about people’s feelings as if he dominates the world. It just makes me want to look into this character and get to know him more. 

Chinese articles

嫁入皇室

experiencetoday

《The Crown》第六季描述Kate的母親是一位善於向上爬的女人。她曾經當過空姐，因而認識了丈夫，婚後為子女安排生日派對，而觸發靈感建立自己的事業王國。

William公開自己將入讀St Andrews 大學，並宣布會先去非洲地區義務工作一年，再繼續學業，這時候，她細意安排 Kate到歐洲學習藝術一年。女兒放棄夢想入讀的大學 — 愛丁堡大學，而轉到 St Andrews，這說不上湊巧吧！

然而，命運便是這樣，沒有這樣的巧合和場景，兩人是不會相遇。作為女兒的Kate在連續劇中，對媽媽的安排表示不滿，但與此同時，亦很在意母親對自己拍拖人選的反應。

現實世界的Kate則對媽媽的精心安排逆來順受，還找機會吸引William的眼球，絕不是連續劇中如此矝持，是一個機會主義者。

我們總有些時候會責怪父母不給自己一個更好的家。有朋友年過五十，到現在也老是怪父親對一家的不是。我的耳邊也不時聽到有人抱怨兩老認為自己未能跑得更遠。也許天下沒有完美的家庭，就算不用憂柴憂米，家庭富裕，生活總會有一些不如意的事發生。年青反叛的心有時也會令我們捥拒父母的心意和安排。

現在，Kate和William如童話故事般的王子與公主，快快樂樂地享受生活，這可能是她母親教導她如何在皇室各種限制中勇敢地生活。畢竟𢤦得接受是一個幸運，也令日子更稱心如意。

Chinese articles

走向星空盡頭?

experiencetoday

周末看了英國BBC一套電影Supernova，中文譯作<在星空盡頭等你>，跟Supernova拉不上關係，台灣譯作<永遠的我們>，題材是講述一對相識20年的同性戀戀人如何面對另一半患上失智症的心路歷程。

兩個主角的臉孔都很熟悉—Colin Firth和Stanley Tucci都是演技派演員。演出很細膩。電影中，兩人都是中產識事之人，Colin飾演Sam，是一位鋼琴演奏家，Tucci飾演50來歲的Tucker，是位作家，患有早期失智症。

導演開段拍攝他們以旅行車開展旅程，彼此相處輕鬆、幽默，不算悲觀暗淡，Sam沒有為Tucker 患病而放棄，決定在稍後的演奏會過後，停下來照顧Tucker。

他們重遊Lake District，湖邊美景給予心靈慰藉，也營造二人相處的美好契機。Sam滿心忻盼，希望與Tucker重遊更多地方，拾起回憶片段。然而，Tucker卻另有計劃，儘使手腳靈活度減低，已經無法寫作，卻不想Sam擔心，表面上從容以對，但只是有意隱瞞，把傷感藏在心裡。

當Sam從友人中發現他的人生計劃時，兩人不見得太激動，仍然平靜理性地對話，Tucker對Sam說:「我希望別人記得今天的我，不是將來(凋零)的我。」Sam也堅持己見，一心要與Tucker終老，無懼困難，不計較做任何事。這也是導演希望帶出的信息:「我們為所愛甘願做任何事，人對自己如何生活、如何去愛和開懷大笑也希望有所選擇，就算生命快將終結時。」

影片中絕非傷感連連，而是兩個男子如何在情感和病患中作出選擇。

有趣的是，Tucci 接觸劇本時，對影片深感興趣，於是與認識廿年的好友Colin分享，並遊說他參與演出，原本導演想Tucci飾演Sam，而Colin則擔當Tucker的角色，但二人看看劇本、想了又想，都感到不妙，直至Colin提議對調角色較適合，怎料，好友的想法略同。

我們愛與朋友相聚，大抵是這樣吧，對事物的看法有點類同而有所同鳴!

English articles

Well-Being

experiencetoday

“Beyond the satisfaction level of income, you can buy more pleasurable experiences, but you will lose some of your ability to enjoy the less expensive ones.” I read this quote from the book, “Thinking Fast and Slow” by Daniel Kahneman.

I’m never rich but I can relate this idea to what I experienced when I travelled first time. I sat by the window seat, feeling excited to see the plane flying among the clouds. A simple experience was a mere pleasure when I saw Paris, Greece, or Italy. The enriched culture, exotic appearance of people, and even the night train had become very sexy! I could survive with baguette for a few days, or sample cheese and skip my lunch.

After years of travel, I start to look for something more “fascinating” to stimulate the senses, or just lie on the beach in a resort enjoying sunshine and good food.

The book talks about the measurement of well-being by U-index. What’s well-being? Health? Happiness? This index refers to the proportion of time people spend in a negative emotional state while commuting, working, or interacting with people around them. If you sleep 8 hours, you commute, work, and enjoy time with families for 16 hours. If your U-index is 25%, that means you feel emotional discomfort or pain for around 4 hours.

The measurement is solely a perception of how you feel rather than the actual health conditions. People who feel more positive and can bear pain might be better off in well-being. According to Kahneman, higher income can mean that you can buy more pleasures by obtaining luxurious goods or having nice vacations, but that does not translate to emotional experience. Therefore, better life satisfaction does not equal enhanced well-being.

Another interesting point he points out is that people with religious faith enjoy positive affect and stress reduction, but they cannot reduce any feelings of depression or worry. Nevertheless, the idea of perception is very powerful, not only in marketing but also in happiness and well-being. The next question is how can we generate positive energy and feel better in the long run.

English articles

Farewell Gifts

experiencetoday

Giving colleagues small farewell gifts is a popular ritual in Hong Kong. In the past few months, I received a pineapple snack, a biscuit, a tasty pudding, and today, a fortune cookie and a doughnut from a colleague who left the team and transferred to a new post with better pay. My boss also treated us to a Japanese tempura restaurant. Both the noodles and tempura made my palate very satisfied. The free deep-fried octopus and sesame mochi are also tasty.

Planning such treats is not easy. In a large corporation and a mixed office, should I give away cakes to colleagues with whom I have no interaction at all? How about the office, of which I barely know but one or two people? It was not an easy choice. And the cost of gifts can easily shoot up to a few thousand if it involves so many departments.

I never like to buy a lot of souvenirs when travelling. However, working in a large organisation with a lack of decent pantry space makes it difficult to distribute snacks efficiently. I definitely plan to have rooms for snacks on my upcoming trip. 

When my desk is constantly filled with snacks from colleagues, there is no way to avoid the chance to return those favours. 

Since we aren’t allowed to accept gifts from customers or vendors, I’m not sure whether my supervisor would like to give us goodies. A free mooncake can briefly make you happy. The perfect food for a lengthy Zoom meeting is Greek yoghurt.

Sometimes I feel like a spoiled child, but I’m glad I don’t have to stress about how much money to contribute towards dinner or a farewell present for my coworker. 

Life can be simpler and happier.

lanterns
English articles

Mid-autumn Festival

experiencetoday

I deliberately plan my work with delightful moments sometimes, for example, having a site visit followed by a lantern-making workshop during lunchtime. Another day, I headed to the lantern riddle event after the lunch break, extending my ME time at work. 

My desk is now full of lanterns by the window. Even the hospital tuck shop is having a good mid-autumn festival promotion for ice creams, popsicles and drinks. The mid-autumn festival celebration has become a huge thing this year. 

My friend often reminds me to refocus on positive thoughts even though I have found pain in my ear, tightness in my back muscle or constipation. We always want to get rid of the dreadful, awful feeling, but wait! Hang in there. I did try, and it was not easy. 

Friends’ support and a pleasant work environment give me a cheerleading effect. 

“Acknowledge the unpleasant feelings with gentleness and kindness. Feel them with curiosity instead of strong negative thoughts,” my friend reminded me. Of course, seeking treatment or relaxation to soothe those feelings if possible.

I did find deep breathing for hours could soothe my ear pain one day. Yeah! It takes such a long time to wind it down. I thought my body wanted to tell me I shouldn’t ignore the headache, so it passed on to my ear. Anti-inflammatory ear drops could help. 

I was convinced to break my prejudice to enjoy a kiwi fruit a day for constipation. Other options can be laxative medicine or probiotic tablets. Exercises and massage are also helpful. But hot pad, kiwi, vegetables, stretching and walking/running are the best solution for me. I opt for natural options if possible. 

Compared with corporations and small businesses, I’ve found hospitals put more effort into supporting staff in stress management, especially in the rehabilitation hospital where I’m working now. After all, most patients are frail and old. Without an open heart and a positive mindset, patient conditions can affect one. 

Typically, people who are either less educated or in middle age work as patient care assistants in Hong Kong. They can be very gossipy workers, but many tend to just focus on enjoying a good meal rather than focusing on the pain that patients are suffering. Wards can be a high-risk environment, but no one knows what will happen the next year. So, just live in the present moment.

More celebrations to come before the mid-autumn festival on 29 September – volunteer programme for patients, team lunch, etc. After all, restrictions are kept for too long for life enjoyment.   

abouttime
English articles

“About Time” to have Happiness

experiencetoday

Born in Wellington, New Zealand and lived in several countries during his childhood, Richard Curtis finally resided in the UK and is known as one of the most successful directors of romantic comedy movies, many of which leave us fond memories, like Love Actually, Notting Hill, Bridget Jones’s Diary and Yesterday.

His film “About Time” may not be at the top of the list when you go to the movie. The storyline is as simple as another time-travelling story. The plot is also cut to the chase about an ordinary young man looking for love and happiness. When he learned from his father that he could time travel, he attempted to go back in time to reverse his “actions” to impress the girl he just met. He was kind with a good heart and he tried to help his roommate in his theatre debut. Applause to the great success eventually! 

Sadly, the girl he loved was gone because of what he had changed. Life has many paths. They are intertwined. Redirection of a path leading to a series of life changes.  We then saw this young man very focused on chasing this girl no matter how many hurdles he went through. So happy to see they crossed paths again and became a couple.  Despite the temptation from another beauty, he was not shaken with his goal, instead, he proposed to his love and built a family. 

His newborn daughter was so pretty like his wife, so adorable that let you forget the trouble in life. He was so joyous and content with the new life. In this journey, he connected with his father more, especially when unfortunate news came. His father got cancer. 

The father and son had a heart-to-heart talk. “We’re all travelling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride.”

His dad told him his secret formula for happiness – get on with ordinary life, living it day by day, like anyone else; and live every day again almost exactly the same. The first time with all the tensions and worries that stop us from noticing how sweet the world can be, but the second time noticing.

He went one step further by not travelling back at all and trying to live every day as if I’d deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of an extraordinary, ordinary life.

There were a lot of remarkable quotes that relate to enjoying life. The scripts were wittily written with a sense of humour. 

I share some of the quotes below and feel free to check out more. 

“He says worrying about the future is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life will always be things that never crossed your worried mind.”

“I always knew we were a fairly odd family. First, there was me. Too tall, too skinny, too orange. My mum was lovely, but not like other mums. There was something solid about her. Something rectangular, busy and unsentimental. Her fashion icon was the queen. Dad, well, he was more normal. He always seemed to have time on his hands… All in all, it was a pretty good childhood.”

Bill Nighy played the dad role. He is subtle, very British and was excellent in his acts. The son was tall, and skinny with orange hair. Nothing extraordinary. His life was not an excitement. He had friends who were not that smart, too. But he was kind with an open heart. That made the movie more sweet as people could resonate with the storyline more. 

Time travelling can be a good trick, but it proves that living an ordinary life is not a bad thing if you learn to enjoy the moment.

starrystarrynight
English articles

Starry, starry night

experiencetoday

After the once-in-a-lifetime horrendous rainstorm in Hong Kong, the weekend remains cloudy and rainy. Obviously, my motivation for going out is less. I had a vibe for music to boost my mood on a Sunday morning. 

The random song list came up with “Vincent” by Don McLean, who tells a story of Vincent van Gogh suffering from a mental disorder. I sang along with the lyrics, which were beautifully written. Only people who suffer from mental disease can get to know the pain of emptiness as if it is a “darkness in my soul” and “no hope left in sight on that starry night”. Even his self-portrait looks like “weathered faces lined in pain.” As a matter of fact, van Gogh’s paintings are a means to “try to set them free”. 

Van Gogh did not have doubts about his own talent but somehow was not content with it.  The other artist could not bear to live close to him. He felt abandoned.

After having practised mindfulness for a while, I am even more sensitive to my feelings and thoughts. I’ve found myself more creative and having more thoughts when watching a movie or listening to a song. 

I am not short on creativity and am inspired by stories, songs and books. When there are more thoughts in mind, many brilliant ideas are in your head. Artists like Van Gough and Yayoi Kusama created tons of great works despite their psychiatric conditions. 

Recently, Don McLean was accused of emotionally abusing his daughter and wife over the years. So his lyrics say “And now I understand what you tried to say to me…How you suffered for your sanity…

How you tried to set them free,” I don’t know if the writer can relate to his feelings because his mental state was unstable at the time and he hurt his family without realising it. 

Discussion of well-being in the early days was uncommon. People probably considered Van Gogh a lunatic at the time, as he cut his own ear off. His artistic work is, no doubt, very memorable with his “flaming sunflowers” and “daffodils”. 

The lyrics of Starry Starry night precisely depicts the life journey of Van Gogh, very well-written.

People sometimes subconsciously make a working and learning environment an unhealthy place without realising that they treat others unfairly or abuse them emotionally. And we have to stand up for ourselves, fight for fairness and stop abuse from happening.  

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer’s day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul

Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free

They would not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they’ll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflect in Vincent’s eyes of china blue

Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist’s loving hand

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free

They would not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they’ll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night

You took your life, as lovers often do
But I could’ve told you Vincent
This world was never meant for
One as beautiful as you

Starry, starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frame-less heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can’t forget

Like the strangers that you’ve met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free

They would not listen, they’re not listening still
Perhaps they never will

English articles

Social comparison

experiencetoday

The family of Coco Lee calls for a formal appreciation of singers’ contribution to society. Elton John was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II for his services to music and charitable service” in 1998. He then became Sir Elton John. 

Canada’s top singer kd lang received the Order of Canada title in 1996 for her dedication to Canada and her remarkable talent. In 2018, she was awarded Alberta’s highest honour, the Alberta Order of Excellence. The presenter praised her for demonstrating the power of being true to oneself. 

We always compare our lives and capabilities with others. Their family might relate to why a famous singer like Coco Lee is not recognised by the government or any professional body. 

We are influenced by the era of social media in which influencers and friends simply show mostly the good sides of themselves – a perfect body, a luxurious vacation, a handsome boyfriend, a sumptuous meal, and cool friends while some influencers tend to draw attention with negative headlines. 

With optimised algorithms and AI technology, YouTube, Vimeo, Facebook and IG feed us similar stories based on what we have clicked or viewed. The “daily viewing platform that they shape encourages one to read a one-sided story instead of having a look at the whole picture. It is not uncommon to see more people having a polarised view. Confirmation bias is not unusual. 

Will clear viewing history in our browser help? Not many like to do so as our browsing history makes our life easier in some ways.  

Modern society is fast-paced, and many people consider it a merit when they successfully adapt to this upbeat living environment. People, young and old, constantly swipe their phones every single minute. They have packed schedules for work, meetings, and social life. How about a break? Many consider it a waste of time. 

How about sleeping more? Sleep deprivation is normal, not an option as YouTube videos, homework, clubbing, and chores are always a top priority. 

My friend once asked me, “What do you think about doing nothing at home?” I was puzzled by this question at the time. I was simply young and naive about the benefit of enjoying the time of doing nothing.  

English articles

Let it go

experiencetoday

In the finale of season 2 of And Just Like That, Carrie proposed a toast at the “Last Supper” before moving out of her favourite apartment, which she has lived in for over a decade. While she was finally ready to let go of this cosy apartment in a posh area, she invited her guests to think of the things they would like to let go of.

We always hold on to many little things, memories, or ideas, no matter if they are good or bad. Zen masters told us to train ourselves to remain calm through meditation or mindfulness. If our brains can let go of worries, hate, anger, and greed, we can enjoy peace in our minds. It’s easier said than done.

Choosing to land in another relationship, Anthony let go of “control”, and his new partner let go of “Rome”, where he comes from.

Seema let go of “distrust” as she finally takes up a serious relationship with a director who is very business-minded and has to live in the Middle East for half a year.

Miranda and another character both chose “guilt” because of the relationship issue and the crazy thought about giving up the baby.

Nya is giving up “yesterday” as she is so happy to hit on the Michelin chef. Carrie picked expectations,” and as she explained, sometimes things turn out better than expected somehow.

Expectations are a huge word. When I studied marketing, the lecturer emphasized the role of expectations a lot. People are guided by hopes and expectations when making purchase decisions instead of economic factors.

When we meet someone special, we have a set of expectations that may determine whether a relationship can or cannot work. When we interact with our family members, we expect our parents to support us or our siblings to be our good friends.

Letting go of “fear”, “guilt”, and “regret” is something we commonly do successfully for our well-being. My therapist once said, “Don’t set my expectations that high, so I won’t be that disappointed in the end.”

Do I expect myself to be a high achiever every time? The company I had worked with for years let me down so badly that it hurt me so much. I set up a massive database, established a solid communication policy, built rapport with reporters, drove business enquiries from campaigns, and offered insights on increasing website traffic and hitting on keywords. I should have been more assertive and protected myself when the selfish supervisors belittled me for keeping their own benefits. That ruined my well-being. Working for a company like this is totally unhealthy.

I’m happy that I shifted my job role to focus on helping those who are more in need in an organisation that engages to promote a healthy environment.

I let go of my regret about not leaving that company earlier and my fear of not jumping out of my comfort zone much earlier. Now I am a sponge. The world is big. I try to absorb every new thing in life.

I still cannot let go of expectations; I just set my bar lower while adding wisdom from people around me every day.

foodtherapy
English articles

Food Therapy

experiencetoday

A friend of mine took a new job which is very fast-paced. Every time I called her, She thought she could hardly survive one more day in the new company, so she has been nagging about it from time to time. Anyhow, she finds her way to de-stress from this hectic job. 

No matter how late it is when she is back home. She spends an hour preparing her dinner and another hour to enjoy her meal. The dinner she prepared is nothing fancy but a proper meal for the family – three dishes with a bowl of rice. I’m amazed how she has such an energy to do so when she’s home at 8 p.m. I would have starved to death. The thoughts of comfort food give her the mental power and energy to do so, even the dishwashing. “I love my plates and kitchen spotless clean”, she said it with great excitement. 

Talking about food therapy, I decided not to bring a heavy lunch box to the office every day, but buy take-out from time to time. The new workplace is quite a distance from the subway station and restaurant areas, therefore going out for lunch is such a rush, and there are not many good options. 

Canteen meals are typically oily and not very appetising. Luckily the nearby cafe now offers some pre-order choices. If I really yearn for Thai or Vietnamese food, I always encourage my colleagues to order via a food app together. Trying out a variety of food motivates me to have a more pleasant and productive afternoon. People who are chunky should love themselves for loving good food.  

This simple change of routine definitely makes me happier. I let go of saving every penny by bringing lunch boxes. Unlike a friend of mine, I still do not like to invest a lot of time in cooking dinner. Having more free time to enjoy stretching, exercising, watching TV or even being idle can improve my well-being. 

Recently, people stocked up on sea salt because Japan released nuclear wastewater into the sea. A psychiatrist related this phenomenon to seeking security. Another example is the stocking up of amenities and food during the pandemic. 

My friend’s storeroom is a semi-grocery store. Why does she need 5 chocolate bars, and 5 bottles of detergent while our living space is so limited? She told me that the storage gave her comfort and she was not scared when supermarket shelves were emptied by the crazy crowd. Another friend of mine has an apartment full of canned soup and food, too. 

Even though supermarkets and grocery stores are nearby in Hong Kong, human beings very much need a high level of storage to feel secure and safe

With the typhoon approaching, I purchased more snacks and food to reach that security level and to feel at ease.

samanthajones
English articles

And Just Like That

experiencetoday

I was a fan of “Sex and the City.” I feel empowered and so free watching the series. That sort of man-seeking mentality could never happen in Hong Kong. Four beautiful women who are fearless about chasing love or sexual experiences without being afraid of being judged. Not to mention, they also have a very successful career.

When I watched season one of “And Just Like That,” the sequel to the series, two years ago, I felt something was missing—the witty, charming, and remarkable Samantha Jones. The character Carrie is a little dreamy and fake, as I doubt how often writers are so rich and dress so flashily in couture and high heels. But then it gives me joy to see fabulous couture that I could never afford or wear.

It’s always joyous to see Charlotte in a branded outfit. She looks like a modern version of an adorable, forever young fairy godmother who can manage her family life very well with her husband and two daughters who are full of distinct characters. She talks in a sweet way about a kind mother who tries to convince others of what she thinks is right. When she refocuses on her career, her husband Harry complains about hardly having time to run errands for the family. I love the way she tells Harry to try hard as he’s only doing the “bare minimum.”

Many women either sacrifice their careers for love or try hard to manage both in their lives. The shout is just a wake-up call for many men to think again about how hard women can be—having a child, raising a child, doing a job and chores, and maintaining a love life. 

Miranda is almost the one I like to skip watching. She is tall and has the skeleton for great dresses. It is saddening to see that she appears to be depressed and in doubt in many scenes. She’s a successful lawyer but struggles with her love life and career. It is a bit unbelievable, especially that she questions her sexual identity at the age of 50, not when she was young. 

So it’s a great surprise and a fantastic moment to finally see Samantha in the finale of season two, even though it’s very brief. Samantha looks fabulous after all these years. She is the one who makes me believe she stays true to herself. 

She is such a classic role model of the modern-day woman—so confident and capable of conquering the world, and she dares to speak her own words without caring what others think. 

I’m glad that I continued the “Just Like That” journey and watched the whole two seasons. It reminds me that women in their 50s can still be wonderful, try a new path, and dare to dream and love.

English articles

Everything Everywhere all at once

experiencetoday

I was never interested in sci-fiction drama. The movie “Everything Everywhere all at once” is a surprise exception. I felt dizzy sometimes watching the scenes jumping around different universes, but I found it the director meant to tell us to be kind, to be brave, and to love each other. 

To find peace in this complex and chaotic world, it is tiresome to keep fighting and create emotional conflicts.  

Because of the information explosion, our life had never been that busy. Many of us tried to keep track of the internet updates, gossip, 24/7 work life, family life and personal issues. Having a part-time job or a side interest while studying is a must as young people want to start the race early. It is so important to obtain as many skill sets and experience right before your 20s. Isn’t it university life should be fun and carefree? Not anymore.   

In a critique written by the LA Times, it quoted the director Kwan stating, “The internet had started to create the alternate universes. ” The movie was part of a product of the “contradictions and emotional whiplash” of being very online at the time. 

There was a time when I felt like I could keep up the speed Internet expanded. A professor told me, “Just say I don’t know, and I am only focused on my strength and interest area.” 

Yes, there is nothing to be ashamed of if you do not know certain things. We could call ourselves “Master of the Universe” 20 years ago when information was confined to newspapers and books. Not anymore. Maybe our strength, nowadays, is to learn how to ask and where to seek the information that we need, instead of adding all useless information in our head. 

To avoid information overload, I feel alright not to keep track of all the news, especially bad news. It is smarter to filter and digest useful information, make connections and take part in activities that are meaningful to me.   

Life is too short to get upset when you feel bad about not knowing the latest gossip or Netflix movies.  I stopped joining the information race but became focused and open to new ideas and creative thoughts.

Chinese articles

與植物和寵物對話

experiencetoday

一年多前，我嘗試租園圃種植，有園友說：「收割臭草時，要跟植物說聲，我要收割一些帶回家，放在糖水烹調，否則臭草會死去。」又有人打趣說，她出行時，會跟家貓說聲:「我出外旅行啊，是會回家的。」這樣才會讓貓貓不會感到被遺棄。養狗的朋友也知道要與狗狗溝通，安撫牠，才開始為牠們洗澡。

話說我以前同屋朋友養著一隻白色鬆毛貓，客廳是共用的。那頭白貓最愛鬆毛鬆翼地走來走去，梳化是他磨練腳甲的好地方，也知道我不是她的主人。

白貓得到貓奴的寵幸，留主子在家時，通常會開著抽濕機。事實上，貓十分聰敏，他懂得跳上抽濕機按一按抽濕機的開關制，十分享受風自機頂吹出涼風的感覺，他就停在抽濕機機頂的風口位置，就像我們吹頭髮般，把毛吹得蓬鬆。

屋向北，冬天時，有點冷，我房間沒有暖爐或暖風機，年青呀、 蓋被取暖啦! 當然，貓奴特別關心主子的冷暖感覺，外出時，也會特意為主子開著暖爐，貓貓差不多貼著爐邊安靜地取暖，擺出洋洋得意的表情。

朋友都知道我家有貓，因為衣服真的難以完全脫「毛」，尤其是冬天的大衣，惟有與貓毛同存。白貓的神情有時有點兒兇，也有點裨氣。有時會把門口的鞋亂放在客廳，令我們知道他生氣。最難忘的一次是，同屋在公司趕稿，一夜沒有回家，主子除了亂抛我們的鞋履外，也隨意在家便便，以示威勢，情景不堪入目。當年手機拍照不盛行，否則應立即與同屋分享他作的「好事」。現在想回來，如果朋友跟他「溝通」，他會否聽話、會乖巧一點?有人問我，為何沒有想過成為素食者。我對他說:「我深信植物也是有生命的，不過由於不懂發聲，可能會變得弱一點，又或如臭草，收割後，死掉了。」最近學習種植，才懂得大部分的植物比動物需要更多的照顧才能茁壯成長。

Chinese articles

工作的心理學

experiencetoday

人在高處，日子久了，如果公司的發展平平而沒有新添服務，員工的工作長期如此，會變得機械式，或許工作會失去心中的那團火，相對的技能也只能靠自我增值而提升。至於高層則可能只顧著生意，沒有留住為公司長期服務員工的心，因為新入職的員工薪金往往比較低，他們只想不斷降低成本而持續收益平衡。部分高層只會為自己的利益著想，從人事和福利的更改著手，如增加自己級別的年假和保險的福利保障，令自己獲益，一眾員工看在眼中，自然不是味兒。

還記得，疫情時，一間大型醫院，高層自動減薪，與員工共渡時艱。一些事故發生，也會奮力站起來，站在員工的觀點發聲。沒有氣量的管理層或者沒有這份瀟灑和膽量。畢竟員工是公司的重要資產。高層用人也要公私分明，若要請家人，也應利用合理而公平的渠道，不要令其他員工有感不公。

現在工種闊了，工作模式多了。年輕人選擇工作，不妨不要心急，除了以個人興趣、公司文化和工作的職責出發外，我個人認為公司的發展和前景乃十分重要。一天工作八至十小時，公司的環境、同事和上司是否合得來、互相支持，實在重要，當中，如果有學習的地方和能累積合乎自己意願的經驗，就必然會加分。

有家庭的人士或會著眼於金錢，有一定的妥協，放棄興趣，接受一份未必是理想的工作，也不管高層和上司如何，默默接受，若上司不太支持自己，長此下去，其實對身心健康無形中造成壓力。不過轉化心態後，若視之為一份好工，就好像問題消失了，畢竟他們以家庭為先，希望養活子女，為下一代帶來穩定和富足的生活。

找新工作期間，曾遇到一位強勢的女士跟我說，做溝通行業，24小時都念掛著工作，一些人可能可以停下來，但我不可以。首先，我對她的無禮，十分反感，不能想著每天要跟著這樣不重視別人才能的上司共事。與此同時，這亦令我回想起美國知名的心理學家Adam Grant說過：「我們熱愛工作，也毋須讓工作完全佔據我們生活。」

我們生活中有不同的崗位，人生不應只有工作，子女、父母、自己的愛好和休息都是如此重要。把時間劃分不同區間，也不代表我們對工作沒有熱誠。其實平衡的生活會為工作注入動力和靈感，令身心得以休息，避免過勞。 

Chinese articles

開放的態度

experiencetoday

近年，記者愛上報道精神健康的新聞，個別病人因未能短時間得到專科診症而病發，引來慘劇收場。香港經歷了兩次社會運動、在疫症期間採行嚴厲措施，近年來無論是內部經濟、教育制度、管治和工作環境都出現許多變化，以至政府不得不正視大眾的精神健康。

部分香港人選擇離開，反正都是一個大改變，在世界另一角落重新開始。不過，雖然近月病人似乎只需等候數個星期，便可以得到專科醫生的診治，但跟從前相比，醫生卻未能花時間對待新症，只能輕輕一談，給病人藥物而已，全人治療的目標實在難以達到。

從前，醫生會用一小時了解初次接觸的病人的病歷、心態和經歷，如今，不足二十分鐘，有點令人失望；舊症更只花五至十分鐘。近年，公私營的醫生看診都有縮短時間的傾向。私營醫生可能希望善用時間多賺取金錢，公營就要達標，當然仍有一些醫生真的用心幫助病人，多問診了解情況，這就是病人是否與醫生「夾」得來的道理。

我認識一位中醫，笑容滿面之餘，也會花時間跟病人傾談，有時醫治身體的不適，無論是普通科或是專科，一個温馨的問候和語調帶點關心和鼓勵都是無形的醫治。有朋友說，我每次都期待覆診，跟醫生傾談的機會。 

試想想，你想認識一位新朋友，用十多分鐘的言談，你會了解他多少呢?就正如見工一樣，從學歷表得知一些經驗，但十來分鐘的交談，其實只可以說大家憑感覺請人和選擇工作。

說回那天我在院覆診等待取藥時，見到一位高瘦的男士走在我面前，三四十多歲，樣子斯文，但他的舉止和發問的語速，令我聯想起他的心靈出了問題，他站在我的跟前是有一點太近、令我有點不自在。是的，我只是憑感覺，因為我從來沒有認識他，他向我問道：「消費劵是否今個月發嗎?」我只好快快回答說：「上月發了。」然後，我轉過頭來，走到另一角，是身體感到有點不自在的反應吧！一個陌生人在藥房的言行舉止與別不同，又問我這樣的問題，心裡實在感到奇怪。

離開診症大樓時，升降機塞滿人，竟然又遇到他。這次他向其他人問可否給他水渴，難得的是，大家都有著開放的心，視他如常人，冷靜地告訴他到大堂後再詢問吧！不知道是否媒體的教育告訴我們要善待人，還是常在醫院出入的人對不同類型的病人已經習以為常。 

無論如何， 我們沒有許多機會深入了解途人，只能抱著開放的心、不要胡思亂想猜度別人吧。

Chinese articles

找一個沒有電子裝置的空間

experiencetoday

為何跟朋友閒談、聊天，總是精力多一點? 身體的構造很奇妙。每當我沒有力氣的時候，朋友打電話或視頻聊天，就會忘記倦意。我留院時，姑娘跟我問診，我也不知道為何會清醒了不少，剛剛我的眼睛還掙不開來。

溝通和分享是生活和生命中的重要一環。十多年前，facebook創辦人Mark Zuckerberg發現同學間迷上互相連繫的玩意，並將之轉化為一盤生意。當我碩士畢業時，一位同學問我有沒有facebook，之後我們便成為了網上朋友，在網上分享一些照片和感受等等，其他朋友還以為他是我的男友，真搞笑！

不過，社交平台始終是一盤生意，我們分享的相片、人和事都會在網上留痕，難以忘滅。

近日，英國BBC新聞網有一則有趣的新聞 — 《為何Netflix 得知自己是同性戀者？》一位記者自言曾有一位男朋友，拍拖多年，心裡沒有性取向的疑惑，拍拖亦不是她人生重要的事情。然而，隨著她收看Netflix的劇集越來越多時，Netflix便向她推薦不少關於同性戀者的劇集或涉及雙性戀角色的劇目。

是不是她看了一些相關的影片或劇集，所以才有這樣的推薦？不過與她年紀、背景相約和網上看劇歷史差不多的朋友，Netflix給予他們的推薦劇目卻不一樣。

Netflix 建議她看You Me Her的多元戀愛喜劇; 而Spotify亦顯示了相關性取向的Playlist 給她。

之後，她才認定自己是雙性戀者，但大數據和人工智能比她早多個月知道她原來也愛女生，她實在感到十分疑惑。手機、電腦和網上程式似乎一直在留意著我們，比你身邊的另一半更關切地聆聽和看著你。

最近，我愛上在家走走路，在游池游水或按摩池放鬆身體，沒有電子用品的時候，我可以專心一點，當然跟友人一起在水池放鬆就更好，身體也會多分泌多巴胺(dopamine)、腦內啡（endorphin)、催產素（oxytocin)和血清素(serotonin)。思緒有點紊亂時，在池中游游20至30分鐘後，內心在涼快的水温和持續深呼吸底下，會平靜下來。


有人告訴我，他們在忙碌的教書和研究生涯中，跑步時得到平靜安穩的感覺，有人愛獨自跑步； 有人愛與其他跑手一齊練習。原來，不按手機和沒有電子裝置的空間，平淡一點，也可以從平靜中找到快樂。

Chinese articles

過時．過節 Hong Kong Family

experiencetoday

得知《過時．過節》這套電影一段日子，但沒有特別的衝動去影院看，難得Netflix在港不再給多個用戶分享，我便把心一橫，在這個炎夏多留在家的日子，訂閱另一平台，打算在一個月內，不時看一看心儀的電影，輕鬆一下。

從前，每看一套電影，都帶來一些思考的機會。

《過時．過節》滿載許多情感。一般草根家庭都受著經濟和供樓的壓力、中國人壓在心底內不願溝通和表達情感的常態，以至社會一些規律給大家一個框框。

回想起，父母也不會拖手、不會在子女面前親吻，在我的眼中，這就是平常，有時他們口邊說要離婚，父親有一點裨氣，十歲、十多歲的我不知道如何反應，但當老父病了的時候，看到媽媽對父親的關心，小時候對他們關係的疑惑原來是有點傻。

我當然沒有像電影中的兒子一樣逃離家庭。跟父親分離8年真是一段很長的日子。沉默的父親轉行為著這個家，支持妻子為供樓的使命。子女也長大了，他竟然在做冬前一天提出離婚，為的是不想強迫自己達至妻子想他温柔和貼心的期望，亦希望兒子搬回家中，陪伴妻子。

另一邊廂的是，兒子從網上認識的一位年長網友，對孫兒的離去感到遺憾。表親的婆婆一直希望與移居遠方的兒子再次見面，命運就是這樣，當機票訂好了，竟然難逃命運的排，身體不適而離世，與媽媽緣慳一面。

中國人的拘謹而內斂的文化在電影中，顯露無遺。內心的壓抑固然可能會令自己錯過了理想，要收在內心的情感也可能會令父子再沒有機會復合。

幸好的是，婆婆的說話給人釋懷的感覺—做冬多少人一起吃飯，也沒關係。女兒告訴父親每天扮上班，萌生爭取到海外工作的夢想。兒子和父親終於嘗試溝通，不吃冬至飯，也沒所謂。

那麼做妻子的毛舜筠是否輸家？雖然當年她提供離婚，但最終供樓的願望完成，一家人似乎一個又一個地會離巢，連她幫忙做家務的一家人也打算移民。她內心的滋味很難受，但卻也難以宣之於口。

現代人情感的流露較直接，也許會變得過火，與電影中傳統的一家成正比。

故事未必說出香港單一的故事，在遠方的角落也有著不少這樣的家庭，家庭成員充斥著不少予盾，互相不了解的故事。

冀望大家多了解、多溝通，家庭生活多一點温馨。

English articles

The One You Love

experiencetoday

On a Sunday rainy morning, I watch the rain outside the window, listening to “The One You Love”. I had not been in such a situation, but I dated two guys during the pandemic – one online, and the other for a week or two in person. 

I ended up not choosing one of them at all. We are drifting apart. Sadly, we can’t be friends as I want to be.

The lyrics, on the other hand, tell the story of a guy who loves a girl who loves someone else.

Glen Frey’s song describes a better scenario – loving one but not loving you that much or loving one who truly loves you like a friend. 

One guy told me that we could try to develop a relationship but he curates his life more than listening. The other totally focuses on his career and cannot listen to my sad moments sometimes. 

It is disappointing to see two people preferring to pursue their dreams and focus on what they want to do. They are not the love of my life, so I can only be happy that they find what they are seeking.

They are not my ideal love but somehow, maybe a comfort during lonely days. I decided to play gate ball last Friday. I didn’t realise some of my classmates recognised me and I had a great time meeting them and playing games. 

Sports and exercise keep me motivated on dark days. Wild ecstasy and relaxation can be realised through visualisation, even by riding the subway. 

There is something wonderful about our brain and mind that makes our life or day a lot more meaningful. 

Nevertheless, those familiar songs bring back memories of the pop bands I enjoy the most.

I know you need a friend, someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you’re going through
When it comes to love, there’s no easy answer
Only you can say what you’re gonna do

I heard you on the phone, you took his number
Said you weren’t alone, but you’d call him soon
Isn’t he the guy, the guy who left you cryin’?
Isn’t he the one who made you blue?

When you remember those nights in his arms
You know you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin’ back to the one you love?
Someone’s gonna cry when they know they’ve lost you
Someone’s gonna thank the stars above

What you gonna say when he comes over?
There’s no easy way to see this through
All the broken dreams, all the disappointment
Oh girl, what you gonna do?

Your heart keeps sayin’ it’s just not fair
But still, you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin’ back to the one you love?
Someone’s gonna cry when they know they’ve lost you
Someone’s gonna thank the stars above

Chinese articles, Uncategorized

婆婆的一滴眼淚

experiencetoday

有一段時間，沒有參加探望長者的活動。香港的夏天炎熱，加上濕度高，平日多留在有冷氣的地方，故此在３３度高温下做運動、行山或長時間走路真的不容易，尤其是今年夏天，有數天高達３６度，美國和歐洲多國更升温至４０多度。熱力在石屎地上吸收後反射，蒸氣除除向上湧上，陣陣熱氣逼人，真的叫人有點難受。

幸好的是，那個周末早上下雨，還有一點點風，感恩的是義工們都可以在長者鄰舍中心等候，我和另一位義工到長者家探訪，長者都把冷氣開了，最後一位長者只在門前短暫碰面，這次探訪總算是個愉快的經驗。跟我一起探訪的義工是一位學生，初次嘗試探訪，我佩服她的勇氣。

與以前的探訪有別之處的是，我們代捐贈者把超市禮卷送給她們，更鼓勵她們與我們同行一同購物。

最終，有一位長者換了衣服，去惠康買東西，真的估計不到的是，她們都愛喝咖啡。一盒即沖咖排和兩條廚房紙，再加冷鮮魚，便100元。她在超巿遇見朋友，十分高興。

我也看到她眼裡有淚光，我的心感到十分温暖。我常常對長者說，多謝她們陪伴我。父母對每個人都十分重要，當他倆離開時，我的內心有時感到空虛，對父母的懷念仍在，有時看到長者高興地運動和聚在一起，我為他們感到高興，探訪他們更給我與老相伴的感覺，多了一份陪伴感覺，她們衷心和善意的感激，也給我一份暖意。